Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Bad Movies

Okay, okay. This post isn't really related to fashion (but I mention Gareth Pugh, so it's okay).

I love bad movies. Perhaps better than actual good movies. To fall into this elusive "so-bad-it's good category" takes some skill and/or luck - every bombed film isn't going to cut it. Trust me, these ones are terribly awesome, so check them out via YouTube or Netflix.

Just Another Romantic Wrestling Comedy

If you couldn't tell from the title, this movie is plain Bad Idea. Summary: Scrawny Jewish boy falls in love with a girl who grew up in a family of professional wrestlers. Hijinks and trouble ensues. Oh yes, don't forget to add in every stereotype about every minority ever, an appearance by the writer (who is playing herself...meaning herself the writer in a scene that shatters the fourth wall), and grade-A movie cheese like an extended flashback into the main characters' childhoods. You have to try really hard to make a movie this bad.

Godzilla: Final Wars

If this film marks the fiftieth anniversary of the Godzilla series (2oo4) then why do the special effects look so bad? Seriously. You'll laugh at the nonsensical English lines, gasp at the appearance of every Godzilla monster ever created, and marvel at Don Frye, god among men. (Trust me, he's a badass. He's also in Just Another Romantic Wrestling Comedy, amusingly enough.) I'm pretty sure there's aliens in this too. Does the plot really matter? Here there be monsters!

The Tingler

1950s horror. Giant rubber centipedes that live in your spine. Vincent Price takes LSD. FOR SCIENCE.

Spiderman 3

You probably saw this because you expected it to be good. Watch it again without expectations, and you'll find it's a comedic goldmine of awkward and plain WTF moments. How can you forget a strange gothic pimp Peter Parker strutting down the streets to a jazz tune? The pie scene? How hot James Franco is, even with half his face melted off?

Aelita: Queen of Mars

This Soviet sci-fi is a silent film, so you'll have to READ. Don't let that deter you. Some crazy man dreams of visiting Mars, where (surprise) the queen Aelita waits. Sadly, she doesn't quite approve of him raising up the Martian proletariat against the monarchy. Who would've guessed? The blatant propaganda is lol-worthy. Also enjoy the Gareth Pugh-like costuming.

Starcrash: The Adventures of Stella Star

This blatant (but extremely garbled) rip-off of Star Wars is probably best described as a bad porno - without the porn. It's simply a work of art. With David Hasselhoff. Yep.

Wizards (reviewed by Josh, as I have yet to see it)

"Wizards is a 1977 movie that combines Scooby-Doo quality animation with found footage & psychedelia. The movie takes place in a post-nuclear-holocaust world, where elves and faeries and Avatar, the good wizard, use magic to fight off the technology-wielding Nazi mutant forces of the evil Black Wolf, Avatar's brother. Watching the film, as I did, while bedridden with a fever is not advisable; the movie is best viewed in the company of MST3K fans, or perhaps while under sedation. It can be found in pieces on YouTube, at least for now. I recommend it; you will laugh, you may cry, and you might just learn something. Maybe."

Twice Upon a Time

To give it the credit it deserves, this film's form of cutout animation is quite visually stunning. To give you an idea of what is odd about it, here are a few tidbits: -There are long sequences of pointless banter because the producers could only afford improvisation comedians. -The movie was made in several versions, one of which contains adult language (now on YouTube). -The antagonist creates bombs that explode and create nightmares. Acid trip much? -Is it for children or adults? No one knows.

What are your favorite bad movies?


1 comment:

    *bubbles with intense happy*

    . . . it's so true!

    Oh, and thank you so much for asking me for that review!